Misconceptions

Again, I am not writing about knitting. But I will post about what I'm making later. Now, I have a score to settle.
Alaska, my home state, not homeland, I don't pretend or want to think that I'm a part of this plastic food crunching country that my state happens to be a member of. I'm from Scotland, that's my mother land, but my homeland; Alaska.
Why do you McDonalds munching dorks think that we speak Eskimo? Why do you think that all those able to hold them own guns? Where did you get the idea that we have pet penguins, cartoons and mouldy movies? YOU MORONS!
This week I get to write a paper on the misconceptions of my state. That’s why I’m on my soapbox once again. We are part of you Union, we are not ice and snow, I don’t ride the polar bear to school, and I most certainly don’t LIVE IN AN IGLOO, D’ARV’IT! As you can see I feel quite strongly about this. More examples before explanations.
My family went to Hawai’i a few weeks ago, that place is my second home; but we always meet someone who, upon looking at my parents I.D. after a debit transaction says in surprise, “Wow! Alaska!” well what were you expecting? ESKIMOS? I personally have nothing against Eskimos or the “Native population of Alaska.” (for you bloody politically correct morons), I personally think that it was quite vile the way we moved in here. Calling the land and it’s recourse's our own because of a few slips of paper. But I’m a second gen Alaskan, so I am the land.
Anyway, I will be addressing 5 issues in this paper. Start groaning all tourons, ‘cause a local is gonna pry you off this land with the biggest bloody crowbar you ever saw!
Issue #1- The Weather. The thing about Alaska’s weather is, it’s allot like Washington state (yes I’ve been there.). We have rain, but in the winter (notice WINTER) we have more snow. Sunshine is prominent in the summer. If you want all the sun and not the vast quantities of heat for your vacation, it’s AK for you my friend!
Issue #2-Everyone owns a gun. This is not true, though I myself have a gun, it is not registered under me due to the law that all those who want to own firearms must be the age of 21. This law helps keep down the teenage gang populous from hurting each other and us. I know of plenty of people who don’t own a gun, I just can’t think of any right now...
Issue #3- We live in igloos. Okay, that misconception goes hand in hand with the weather statement above. Note the words, Summer, Sun, and Rain. These words are key in the understanding of the fact that, you can’t live in a non-existent igloo.
Issue #4- The Language. Okay notice the language in which you are reading this. English, right? (Sorry all non English readers but I’m doing this to make a point.) Oh! Look! The letters on my keyboard are decidedly ENGLISH runes. Oh! Look! English phrases and terms. The idea t hat we speak “Eskimo” is ridiculous.
Issue #5-The polar bear thing. Oh good grief, don’t get me started. I am dying for the day when some dork from the lower 48 who decided to ask me if I live in an igloo and have a pet penguin to say, “Why, yes. And I ride the polar bear to school and conduct all my lessons in Eskimo and Russian.” I live for the day. Anyway, you will have to have an understanding of the words “polar bear” before you can understand my answer. Notice the first word; Polar. I live in south-central dang-it, NOT BARROW! Barrow had occasional polar bears (note OCCASIONAL). But I am 500 miles south of that region. So no, I don’t have a pet penguin or ride the polar bear to school, nor do I speak “Eskimo” or Russian. Another thing is, how can I have a pet penguin and ride the polar bear. Polar bears live in the arctic circle and penguins in Antarctica, on opposite sides of the planet. Hmmm....

Anyway, the point of all my ranting is, I live a beautiful place that needs some respect dang-it. But someone on the chat boards of city-data.com once said that we in fact are the root of the problem in these misconception, saying that we can freeze fire and own polar bears. We shouldn’t do it, we should stop, but it is fun!